Taking Churchill To The Ends of The Earth and Back!

Christmas to me over the last two weeks has not felt like Christmas. Today I was asked by an alcoholic would he be, “staying for Christmas dinner.” Now at first this guy wanted me to laugh as I do everytime I meet him out of politeness at his jokes. This time his eyes managed to cut more than skin deep!

For me CHristmas day is about having a meal with the family unit. Mum having a sherry which somehow each year gives the cooking that festive edge. Followed by a fire, a debate about which TV channel, followed by my father getting his way and then snoring throughout the entirety of his selection.

Christmas is not going into TESCO’s on Saturday and realising that if the fruit section had airmiles equivalent to its journey from source, our family may as well have a barbi on Bondi Beach. Nor is it going to TESCO’s to see trolley rage in its finest hour. Women who possess a new weapon to accompany their handbag. When a middle aged woman has to get to the “frozen prawns”, and she doesn’t make eye contact. You know its either you step aside or end up surveying frozen peas from a whole new angle.

Christmas is not about sitting down to a table and eating until the first person has indigestion and then continuing until a gluttony champion is declared.

Christmas is not designed by Debenhams and our local shopping centre is not the, “centre of Christmas”.

Christmas has been a day set aside to celebrate a gift from God, i.e. his son, and this should be the centre of Christmas. Funny enough often wondered why his name was in the middle of it.

Christmas should be about goodwill and peace to all men as well. Tomorrow as I have known all week I will have difficulty in being at peace at the table knowing that my friend wanted to be in hospital just to get his dinner.

Tomorrow as I open my gifts from my family, use my new potato masher, (cheers bro), and sit down at the table with the meal I have prepared. I will be thankful for the chances that I have had over the last year and the opportunity to bring Churchill to the end of the earth and back!

Nursing Home Music!

This evening as I drove to a friends house for some festive merriment I decided for some soothing of my soul courtesy of Radio 2. As the journey progressed I went through all sorts of Jazz, Bluegrass and Blues. As this continued on I realised that if my parents had of been passengers that they would have been content to sit and savor these acoustic delicacies. I am serious this music was some of the best twenty minutes of car music I have ever listened to!

I then had a thought! This music would fit perfectly into a Nursing Home recreation room, without any problems. I thought that I would be overjoyed to have this as my soundtrack to God’s waiting room!

Then as I began to think the process took a turn for the worse, if I get to the age of being a nursing home candidate what would my soundtrack be? I hope it would be Chuck Berry, Bluegrass, Jazz and Blues but I do fear! I had an image of me sitting incontinent listening to Jeremy Kyle Junior presenting Eminem, Jay Z, Spice Girls, Girls Aloud and Westlife. Then I brought myself back to the brink of sanity by realising that I will be catheterised and deaf. God bless the, “Sound of Silence”.

Timing!

Over the last week I have learn’t quite a bit about timing and its importance! Probably due to the fact that I have finished Peter Kay’s biography. (Yes lads I did manage to finish a book in under five years, and in only one attempt. Funny how things have progressed!!).This week also had the 100 greatest stand-up acts of all time on tv so I was sort off getting a bit of comedy overload. Even more so when they voted Tommy Tiernan behind Julian Clary. I suppose even a good production has to have its comedy as well as tragedy.

Seriously if any one was in any doubt about the rankings of this list Robin Williams was lower down the pecking order than Bob Monkhouse.

Sometimes on a Sunday during my paper marathon for a little comedy value I turn to the Horoscope in The Sunday Times, this week all twelve star signs have some big, “life changing”, event occurring on Tuesday. I reckon that the national statistics office should do the horoscopes. Here are a few examples why:

• Most people will be broke in January due to having blown ridiculous amounts the previous month and also the gym membership now they realise they have put on a few pounds.
• More people will get drunk after pay day. Doesn’t take a genius to work out that one.

A few old teachers I know also swear that a full moon and high winds affect some children who have a tendency for hyperactivity. Now this adds a whole new dimension, should they now have statistometereoscopes, where the Met. Office and Statistics Office write horoscopes. That all sounds good in theory until a hurricane hits the Southeast of England.Another example of perfect timing happens when a particular person is in the right place at the right time. Imagine if Maradonna hadn’t of been playing against England that day! Imagine if Wilberfoce and Churchill had of been born 50 years later. Imagine what a disaster it would have been if Jesse Owens had of been born with blond hair, blue eyes and was white! Now this is beginning to sound like a John Lennon verse.I suppose the other thing this week has tought me is that possibly different people have the ability to view time differently. Athletes such as Floyd Mayweather must have an ability to see things at a totally different rate than me. He also has the ability to make you stay up to 5 o’clock and wish you hadn’t!Also I find it amazing that sometimes in life you have to wait and be patient and realise that sometimes you have to wait, when you just want to get on with the show! If last Tuesday was anything thing to go by I look forward to this Tuesday with bated breath. As should the rest of the country!